Let’s imagine the ego system as a floor made of bricks, each brick representing one aspect of the ego, and holes in the floor where bricks are missing. In order for our inner self to grow up completely, we would have to fill in all the holes in our floor. In other words, we would have to shape all those parts of the ego that were never shaped. This is not an easy task, for several reasons. First, as long as there are ego defence barriers around the holes, we won’t be able to fill them in. Second, just as we cannot see yesterday’s child with today’s eyes, we cannot teach her with today’s values. Third, what is easily shaped in a four-year-old’s ego may be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to shape in an adult.

The more fundamental a part of our ego system is, the more difficult it is for us to shape it as adults. Trust, for example, is shaped very early on, in the first two years of life. Confidence in one’s intellectual skills is not formed until much later. An adult, therefore, will have considerably more difficulty learning to trust than he will gaining confidence in his intellectual ability.