March 13, 2010
When we set out from Halifax, our goal was to end up in Arizona, via Florida, and take the most southern route across the States which is Interstate 10. However, a few days into the trip we spontaneously decided to change direction and turn west a bit earlier, linking up with Interstate 20, a different route than we had taken six years ago.
Over the last few days it has become more and more apparent to me that going to Arizona was merely a direction, not a destination. The idea of a destination lost its importance. It's become all about the journey, a lifestyle, and each and every moment is special - breakfast in the morning with the truck drivers, the business of our daily chores while parked at the truckstop, a few hours of driving before stopping for lunch, finding a plaza off the highway to purchase supplies, driving another few hours, deciding where we will spend the night, and arriving between 4 and 5 o'clock at our next parking spot.
After the intial learning period during which there were many challenges to overcome, the journey has become a spiritual one. There are no wants. I'm happy to be where I am at any given moment. I'm happy to be doing whatever needs to be done, whether it's cleaning the windshields, emptying the waste tanks, searching for supplies that I had stored away and forgot where, or making small alterations so that things wouldn't fall on our heads when driving over rough roads.
There's a simplicity to this life, like being a child without worries. Moving from one moment to the next, noticing and enjoying things normally taken for granted, like the hum of the engine when the motorhome climbs a hill, feeling as though I'm helping to push it along as I once did with my toy truck. It's good to be here.
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March 10, 2010
Today was an exceptional day. It started out with thundershowers and lightening and gradually changed into excellent driving weather with very little wind, and with the sun now and then showing its face through the clouds. It was a wonderful feeling driving our solidly built coach, with its new windshield wipers, along the interstate highway. I felt secure, and I enjoyed every moment of moving forward among the trees that lined the highway and separated the east and westbound lanes. There was little traffic and it was as though we were on our own private one-way road. It was good seeing Penny sitting comfortably in her leather chair, feet up on the dashboard, enjoying the scenery and shooting the occasional picture.
We saw a crew of men, all wearing the same striped uniforms, picking up rubbish beside the roadway.
The day ended with a good, not necessarily healthy meal at the Iron Skillet, a restaurant at the truck stop in Jackson, Mississippi, where we were staying and where I wrote this installment for my blog because wi-fi wasn't available in the parking area.
Being able to share my thoughts in a blog has given me a great deal of satisfaction, as have all the wonderful responses that I've received. However, without the energy and dedication of my scribe, editor, manager, promoter, navigator, organizer, cook, devil's advocate, and foot rubber, my wife Penny, my experiences and thoughts may never have materialized into the written word.
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Monday, March 8, 2010 Over the last two days we've been driving through Tennessee, a wonderfully hilly state. I've always been a hill person as opposed to a prairie or mountain person. Both the prairie and the mountains, while picturesque in their own ways, seem hard to touch. If you take a photo of the prairies, looking to the horizon, what you see is a narrow landscape relative to a very large sky. There's a lot of empty space, and the landscape is difficult to embrace. The mountains, made of harsh stone or granite, are in your face, and there's no horizon or much sky, and barely a twilight. When you're in the hills, on the other hand, whether on top or in a valley, there's a balance between earth and sky that is constantly changing, like a melody. You can reach out and embrace the hills, they are soft. The hills have no inhospitable places, they are always welcoming. Like mother earth, they provide us with everything we need, from trees for shelter, valleys for cultivating food, land for grazing animals.
Tonight we are staying at a truckstop without a normal restaurant, just a McDonalds and a Subway. Before I went out by myself for a chicken burger, Penny and I juiced one bag of carrots, twelve leaves of kale, eight sticks of celery, a handful of parsley and one large red apple.
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Saturday, March 6, 2010
It is now eight o'clock in the evening and we are still in Virginia, at a truckstop, settling in for the night. Our journey seems to be proceeding in dribs and drabs. We start out late in the morning and finish rather early so we can secure a good overnight spot for our rig. The Flying J, where we are staying tonight, is a trucker's haven. The food is good, the facilities are clean. The mornings for me are special. While Penny is trying to wake up, I'm having breakfast at the breakfast counter with other truckers. I listen with great interest to their stories and sometimes one of them will share something personal about his family life. I think that many people don't give the trucker enough credit nor appreciate the challenges he has to face. Life for the trucker isn't as simple as it appears to be, especially in the case of long-haulers who are often away from their families for long periods of time. The trucker has to travel in all kinds of weather, meet schedules regardless of traffic and road conditions, and deal with drivers who are less than considerate. Many of them have huge investments in their vehicles and work hard to pay their bills. We don't often think about it, but without them, our economy and our lives would come to a grinding halt. When I first came to Canada, I had the romantic idea of becoming a truck driver and enjoying the freedom of travelling around the country.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Hello from Houlton, Maine, just across the US border. We started out in the rain in Nova Scotia, got through the snow and wind in New Brunswick, and were greeted with blue skies and sunshine as we approached the US border. Chassis battery went to another world and had to be replaced as did our wiper blades. Last night we slept at a Truck Stop with the sound of deisel engines providing white noise that lulled us to sleep. In the morning I stepped out onto steps that were coated in ice, just like the rest of the motorhome, and realized that we had slept through an ice storm. At the border, the Customs officer came in and took our organic oranges and lemons from the fridge, which Penny forgot weren't allowed, and bid us a safe journey.
I'm enjoying the driving and the courtesy shown by truckers on the road. Perhaps because it's off season, people everywhere seem to be relaxed and friendly. It's a real joy to be able to have this moment.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
We just viewed the video that David Riklan of Selfgrowth.com made about my work, in particular about what it means to walk a spiritual path. At the very end I invite you to answer a question about spirituality and the spirit. I look forward to hearing what you think. Please use the Contact link on the menu to email me.
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Saturday, February 6, 2010
Everything is moving right along. Body is healing wonderfully and we're planning to leave on our motorhome trip in a few weeks.
Earlier today, driving to my morning coffee and paper, I started to feel so hot that I turned down the heat and opened the car windows even though the outdoor temperature was 10 degrees below zero centigrade. The 200 mg of niacin that I took before leaving the house was supposed to give me a hot flush so I wasn't too concerned. However, sitting in the cafe, the heat intensified to such a degree that I left my coffee and hightailed it back home. When I peeled off my clothes, Penny and I gaped at my tomato-red body. And then the itch set in (the histamine response). This wasn't menopause but I now have some understanding of what many women have to endure.
A week ago, I got a call from a dear friend whose daughter's husband had inherited a house. The couple were cleaning up and preparing to move in when they experienced some very peculiar happenings. First, they had the feeling that they were not alone. Then, when they were sleeping over, the television kept turning on and the doors would open and close on their own. Even though I have had many encounters with spirit, I myself had never witnessed physical manifestations of spirit presence.
The couple wondered whether I might be able to help. A few evenings later, I went with one of my students to the house where I was received by the daughter and her husband. After a short while I became aware of intense buzzing in my ears, a sure sign for me that a spirit was present or had been recently. I walked through the house with the others trailing behind me. In the master bedroom, there was a clothes closet with wooden sliding doors. I opened them to see if the spirit was inside but saw nothing and closed the doors before continuing through the house. I looked into every room, nook and cranny but couldn't find anything. Either the spirit had left the house or was hiding somewhere. I walked through the house once again and ended up back in the master bedroom. There I had a strong sense of the spirit's presence. Psychically reaching out with my hand, I scanned the room and felt a strong almost jabbing sensation in my hand, something I hadn't experienced before. It was then that I saw the spirit who seemed taller than me. The closet door, which I had previously closed, was now open. I asked for a chair, sat down near the doorway to discourage him from leaving and began to communicate with him.
A spirit that is creating havoc in a house could be doing it to draw attention in order to get help or simply to be a nuisance for whatever reason. Because this spirit came out of hiding, I knew that he wanted to communicate. And because I sensed his strength, I had to be extra careful not to challenge him. A strong spirit could hurt someone. Actually, it is wrong to challenge a spirit at any time, even the less powerful ones because often they are already fearful and might go back into hiding and thus be unable to accept the help offered. It's important to remember that, without a brain, a mindset spirit has virtually no reasoning capacity. It is therefore important to communicate in a simple and gentle way.
My questions to him were very simple, such as Why are you here? Would you like to move on? As often happens, the spirit doesn't have answers and needs to be guided. I explained that the house is for people with bodies who cannot move on, and that his presence was disturbing them. I asked again, wouldn't he like to move on to be with family and loved ones? I told him about the tunnel leading to the spirit world and that I could show it to him after which he could decide. After a period of time, he entered the tunnel and left.
When a spirit refuses to move on, I give him or her a choice, to leave the house or be expelled. That's a whole other story.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The surgeon told me I am now free to do whatever I want to do. He explained that the discomfort I still have from time to time is nerve related and will disappear in time and that my energy would come back within a few weeks. He scheduled a follow up PET/CT for June. So for now, we can close this chapter. Our motorhome trip will commence as soon as I feel stronger and that could be as soon as three weeks from now.
On a slightly spiritual note, my daughter Tricia bought a church! There won't be much praying, but lots of singing. It will be used primarily as a recording studio by her friend Steve who is quite an artist. He plays a multitude of instruments professionally and has a good reputation in the recording industry.
Are we ever too old to be nurtured by compliments? Are you kidding? The wonderful emails that I've received in response to my Blog have made me smile and, I'm sure, helped me to heal. Thank you to everyone who took the time to write.
Friday, January 15, 2010
A month has now passed since the operation and today I was permitted to drive. Penny used the opportunity to send me out for groceries and I rewarded myself by stopping at Leftys for lunch.
Had a wonderful telephone discussion this afternoon with a man from California. He has spent over thirty years working with, learning about and teaching Kundalini as a method of self-healing. Our views differ in some ways but there was a strong sense of mutual respect. I've decided to exchange website links with this person sometime soon, even though I do not necessarily understand everything he teaches. I've always hesitated to exchange links with other practitioners, not wanting to make recommendations or show preferences for one approach to personal and spiritual growth over another. In my recent book, Water Your Roots, I use the path that I walk as an example of what spiritual development might entail, my intention being to provide food for thought that will help people choose a path that's best for them.
If I go back to my engineering days, when I was involved with manufacturing, one of the most valuable people in the office was the purchasing agent because he had the knowledge of where to obtain all the products and materials required for the manufacturing process. His knowledge was worth its weight in gold. Over the last thirty years, I have learned that it is very difficult and time-consuming to find good information about the psyche and spirituality. Without it, it is very difficult to evaluate and choose a path or direction. Therefore, I've decided to exchange links with practitioners and teachers who I feel have something of value to offer that can help someone in their decision-making process.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
A few people have asked me whether my cancer developed in order to teach me something. My response is, things happen to us for a variety of reasons and not necessarily to teach us something. However, we should learn from our experiences. What are we to learn? That is something we have to answer for ourself. However, are we honest enough to recognize what it is?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Got a call from the surgeon today. The tumor that he completely removed was a stage 1 cancer. He also took out two lymph nodes and both were negative for cancer. According to him, I'm clean and no further treatment is required. This is one time where I can honestly say that I am happy to have had a kidney stone attack because it was then that the tumor was discovered. Otherwise, it would have grown out of control.
As my body heals, I'm again becoming aware of the difference between allowing time for the body to heal rather than waiting for the healing to be over with; in other words, the difference between being present on the journey rather than anticipating the journey's end. Energy that should be used for healing would otherwise be wasted on stress.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I'm recuperating well. My meds are down to a third of what they were when I first returned home a week and a half ago. Where there was pain is now mostly discomfort, except when I do something without thinking like quickly bending down to pick something up, or turning quickly to reach for something. That's when I get bitten.
However, it is New Year's Eve and I thought I would share something with you. It is a popular notion that it is spiritual to be "in the present." Being in the present has nothing to do with spirit but with being in control of one's thinking rather than being in a wishing and wanting or in an "if only I had done that" state of mind. However, being at the end of the year and the beginning of another, it would be appropriate to realize that what we are presently is the sum total of our past. It wouldn't hurt at all to take a good look at the year past and think about what we have learned, and then take that and bring it with us into the New Year. Remember that each time we've made a mistake, there was a learning. Wisdom doesn't come from doing everything right the first time, but from having learned how not to do it. So let's be in the present while remembering where we came from and the direction in which we are going. Wishing you a prosperous 2010.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas day passed with a lovely dinner at friends in Halifax. The pain pills kept me upright for the duration.
Once I accepted the fact that I was not supposed to do any physical task or overextend myself, I could relax. I didn't have to think about or plan to do anything. I could simply be and allow myself to be cared for by my wife, Penny, whose total concern is my comfort and well being. I am without stress and without any responsibilities because everything is being done for me. I am truly being kept in a space of healing, both by Penny and by my own mind. I am doing what I have been teaching for a long time: allowing time for the experience rather than waiting until it is over.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The whole experience is a bit like taking a trip to the moon. There's the countdown, the blast off with a tremendous amount of acceleration and action after which the momentum will carry you on your journey until you arrive at your destination. Here we had the preparation and the operation that set the momentum for the healing journey towards full recovery and the resumption of my normal activities.
I looked forward to the experience and my stay in hospital. For the first few days everyone around me seemed to be smiling, happy with what they were doing. Then, I encountered a few who obviously wished they were somewhere else. At those times, I felt a bit like a cow rather than a person, diminished in importance, without any control over my experience and unable to participate in the decisions being made about my body. There was one instance that stands out. One morning a nurse walked into my room, didn't bother to smile, and took over, rearranging things, making changes that were not ordered by the doctor nor, as it turned out, necessary. She expected me to submit to her care while her attitude was uncaring and controlling. The energy she projected created a stressful rather than a healing atmosphere and made me think about other patients who were having to endure this kind of treatment without understanding how they were being affected.
There are some people who enter the nursing profession because they sincerely want to help people - for which they get paid. Others are there for an income - for which they have to work. The helpful ones make you want to listen and follow their advice because you know they are doing their best; you trust them because you can feel that they genuinely want to serve. Those who speak only because they have to, leave you feeling cold.
I'm officially discharged tonight but the snow storm in Halifax will keep me in hospital until tomorrow morning.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Update by Penny
Ben emerged from the surgery with his body! The surgery by all accounts went very well. It was straightforward, without complications. His ribs weren't cut and so healing will be much quicker. The lower right lobe of his lung was removed and with it the entire tumor. He was able to leave the intermediate care unit this afternoon and is now in his own room. Pain management is excellent so he's able to walk down the corridors unaided and without discomfort and do his breathing and coughing exercises. To supplement the usual hospital offerings, he's enjoying the fresh vegetable juices and protein smoothies I've been preparing for him as well as the wonderful home-made healthful soups his friends have been bringing. It's expected that he'll be coming home on Monday.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Morning of the operation, driving into Halifax from St. Margarets Bay. There's an awareness that I may end up without my body. I have no fear of death. Simply an awareness that errors are made, we have to allow for that. I'm not planning for the future because I'm not in control of my present. I have a sense of living this experience consciously, rather than being in a reactive state. The only fear I have is of the needle!
Friday, December 10, 2009
I had my pre-op on Wednesday. What an experience! I'm told that the surgery itself is straightforward. I was assured by the surgeon, the anesthetist, the physiotherapist and the nurse that I'm going to be fine. However, when I come out of surgery I will be placed in mini intensive care unit with three others, with two nurses on duty 24/7 to monitor my vital signs for a day and a half. Oh, and there will be a draining tube hanging out of the side of my body and, besides my intravenous, there will be a probe in my artery to measure blood pressure and a tube coming out of my penis to transfer the urine to a container for whatever reason. I will be totally doped up. However, I will have to do breathing and coughing exercises to prevent pneumonia setting in and I will be made to walk almost immediately by the physiotherapist who will make sure I don't slack off. Check back for photos.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
This was supposed to be our departure date for our US book tour in the motorhome. Last week, however, for reasons explained below, we decided to postpone the trip until February at the earliest.
A while ago, it was my good fortune that a CT scan taken of a kidney stone revealed a growth on my lung. It was discovered a short time before the launch of Water Your Roots in Winnipeg and Halifax and so I decided to take the wait and watch approach since there was no way of knowing whether or not it was malignant other than by removing it. After the second of two more CT scans, the growth was found to be slightly larger.
My first reaction to hearing that the mass had grown over the previous five months was disappointment, not only because our travel plans would have to be put on hold, but also because the alternative treatments I'd been using hadn't resulted in the expected improvement.
My surgeon advised that it be taken out, the sooner the better. I said that I would think about it before making a decision. It was then that fear hit - I felt out of control, not knowing what was going to happen. I was still drawn to alternative therapies but I didn't have enough information to make an informed decision. Nor did I know whom to trust.
A chance meeting with another experienced surgeon whom I liked and trusted helped me to know what I had to do. If he were in my position, he said, he would have it taken out the next day if not sooner. He didn't think that alternative therapies alone could eliminate a lung tumor. What he said was in line with the advice given to us by an alternative cancer clinic in Arizona. They recommended first removing the growth and then, if it is found to be malignant, following with intravenous high-dose vitamin C and other treatments.
Once I made up my mind to have the surgery, which will take place on December 16th, the uncertainty and therefore the fear fell away. I now had to prepare myself for the operation by bringing my body into the optimum state for healing.
First step: not waiting for the operation, but looking forward to the experience.
Second step: breathing exercises to take stress away from the upper part of the torso.
Third step: increasing the energy flow through the body through meditative exercises in order to build up the energy reserve.
One question being asked of me is, Why aren't you worried? My answer is, Everyone around me is worried, so that part is looked after. Now I can look forward to the experience.
I'll keep you posted.
